I'll Love You For As long As I Live
by neontreeslover
Summary: Sam finds Dean's suicide note and tries to save Dean. WARNING:Weecest mentioned sorta , Wincest mentioned no kissing or anything. Self harm, drugs,and suicidal content. One shot unless asked to continue. AU-ish


_**Disclaimer:I dont own any of the characters or anything and i am not making any money off of this.**_

_**Authors note:This is my very first fanfiction that I have published so please keep that in mind and I haven't got a beta so yeah all errors are mine. Thanks for reading this! Enjoy :)**_

Dear Sammy,

By the time you find this I will already be gone. This is my goodbye. I know you're probably wondering why I did it. Well, I have many reasons i'll tell you a few. Mainly because I love you Sam. I know its wrong , god do i know it but its just.. you're my constant, you're my rock and I would've done this a long time ago if it weren't for you. I can't help but feel like were meant to be together Sam, like were soul mates. I've loved you as more than a brother since I was 16 thats why I suddenly started hooking up with all those girls , but they weren't you matter how much I tried I couldn't forget about you. Thats why I started to pull away after that , wouldn't let you sleep with me (not that you'd want to) I wouldn't sit to close to you. And to be honest I was sort of relieved when you left to Stanford because then I wouldn't have to keep holding back and not just kissing you, but I also felt broken. It felt like my heart was in shards and I just couldn't stand to be without my Sammy. Thats when i started it all, the drugs and the cutting. I was gonna do it Sammy, but ya know what held me back? What stopped me? You. I knew you'd be devastated if I died so I didn't. I know I'm breaking my own rule of " no chick flick moments" but I cant help it Sammy. So since no one can judge me I'm gonna tell you my other reasons for doing this. I couldn't take it anymore i felt so ... wrong, dead and the things I did...I dream about hell every night Sam. I cant do it, all this guilt and pain and numbness. I'm sorry Sammy. I love you, baby boy.

Your big brother , Dean.

Love ,

-SPN-

Sam found the note when he came back to the motel after storming off. He immediately tries to find Dean because Goddammit he loves him. Sam tries to track Deans phone, but it turns out Dean turned out of the GPS. Sam doesn't know what to do now so he decides he is going to pray to anyone who's listening out there. "Hello? I don't know if any of you will listen to me , the boy with demon blood , but I'm gonna pray anyways. I Pray to whoever is listening that you help Dean because Goddammit i love that SOB and i cant find him and he is going to do something horrible and i cant find him. Please, help me. Anyone."Sam finishes praying. Sam waits and waits, but no angels show up. "FUCK! WHY WONT YOU HELP ME GODDAMMIT! I KNOW I'VE DONE BAD THINGS , BUT DEAN HE'S GOOD HE DIDN'T DO ANYTHING WRONG!PLEASE SOMEONE HELP ME!"Sam yells out in desperation and anger. A little quieter Sam says, "Please someone help me find Dean he means the world to me and without him I'm nothing." Still nothing Sam is about to give up , but before he does he says one last thing, " Ill do anything, please just help !"Sam waits a couple of hours and still no one shows up no demons and no angels. Sam decides that if no one will help him then he will try and find Dean on his own. Sam knows that as much as it kills him Dean has probably already killed himself and is heaven or hell. So, Sam decides that he is going to kill himself and hope wherever he ends up that Deans there. Sam grabs his gun from under his pillow and sets it next to him. Next he calls Bobby. The phone rings a couple of times so Sam decides to just leave a voice mail saying He's sorry he had to, he had to be with him and he tells Bobby were he is that way he knows he'll get a proper hunters funeral. Sam cant think of anything else he needs to do. Its time. Sam gets the gun and points it at his head and makes sure it will kill him. Before he pulls the trigger he says, "I'm sorry De, I love you." Then he pulls the trigger hoping to be reunited with Dean.


End file.
